Walking in the Rain

After I left the Vagina Monologues tonight it was raining, and thunderstorms were coming. I walked outside and stood in the rain. Letting the cool raindrops hit my face and neck. Feeling each one as it touches my skin. I looked around and people were running to get out of the rain. Which has never made sense to me. I love the rain. Rain is new beginnings, washing away old things.

Instead of walking to my car I turned right and decided to walk around campus. As I walked and the rain came down harder and harder, slowly soaking my sweater, and into my shirt I felt at peace. Lightening going off in the background didn't bother me. As each rain drop hit my skin, I imagined it washing away a layer of skin. The tough layer of skin that i had built to protect myself, the layer of skin that pushed people away, the layer of skin that tried to control everything so I wouldn't experience loss again. The cold rain reminds me I'm not numb to the world, no matter how much I'd like to think I am.

Rain smells clean and smells of new beginnings. I wonder if I'll be lucky enough to experience that same chance the earth does when it rains. Washing away the dirt and grime, for a new layer of soil that lets plants and flowers grow faster and to their fullest. Will I get that chance? I want flowers to grow again, I remember a time where I was surrounded by sunflowers and daisies.

I close my eyes and imagine a time that I was scared of thunderstorms and lightening. I look at the lightening in the distance and am in awe of the beauty of it all. It's funny something that use to terrify me, is actually quite beautiful.

I round the corner getting back to my car and know exactly what I want to do. . . feeling new, and clean, excited and ready for Spring. But then hesitate, and all the events of the past weeks come rushing back . . .

Rain doesn't last forever. Oh only if it could. . . the constant feeling of new starts and forgotten mistakes and bad events.

But in the end all I end up with is a soaked Tshirt.